School's Open

Distributed School's Open brochure today. Read a disturbing piece on Kenya's beaches and their children...my goodness how DIRTY are those white men (and let's not forget their ultra-dirty white women). Well you would have guessed what the article is about from those words. Oh yes it had me fuming and fretting as these "civilized" bastards use children for their sick games on their sick vacations. And let's not forget those f***ing American monsters and their degradation of Iraqi womanhood. So I am exhausted...off to make supplication to God to right the wrongs of this world (the least I can do) and then publicize the "white people" ills through my brochures and dvds. Obviously the "Muslims" who adore the sick and demented West would NOT agree. If their daughters were subjected to such sexual debauchery they would still genuflect to the "White" god. Sick!!!

A week...

...that has left me weak. Where will all this end...is there really an end? My little man, I have never had times like these in the first forty years of life. Good mixed with so much bad. Tests? I cant remember signing up to write such. Life surely is the toughest university. But my thoughts are for you. Which brings me to the brochures. Gosh it has made a huge impact...and I didnt use the word "impact" lightly. There have been several reasons for beginning and continuing this brochure idea. But the reason now is that you, my son, will one day look back and wonder about your daddy. What did he think...so here they are. My deepest thoughts about religion and living. And when you peruse these I would like for you to redevelop the ideas....for your times. Youre one intelligent child. Didnt say "smart." They are many who are smart and fool themselves they are intelligent. Outsmarting people always lead to disasters. Brochures: Got a call from TT, emails from Canada and even an invitation to meet with a Muslim person living in Canada after he heard me speaking about "religion." Said he was excited hearing such "amazing" stuff. Haha...made me laugh. So we will meet tomorrow...to know me is to know nothingness as he will find out...let's see where the conversation leads. A guy walked into the office and asked for the brochures. On my inquiry as to where he was from he said Fyrish on the Corentyne...said he got brochures at a reading he attended. Oh my...seems it was printed from the website. And a Jehovah Witness woman was so awed by dialogue so intense she was swayed to break with her protocol of just "giving" the Awake mag. She also "received" the brochures. My son, do the best you can. Work is worship. Stay far away from "controlled" religion. Its hogwash. God is Most Creative and loves to see the mind at work. The world is held up by Four pillars: The Wisdom of the Learned; The Justice of the Great; The Prayers of the Righteous; And the Valour of the Brave. (Inscription at the entrance of the University of Granada in Muslim Spain) Strive to be all four my son. Love you, daddy.

Thank You My Baby

What can daddy say but "thanks" for visiting him in the hospital on Thursday night (seeing daddy screaming in pain); and Friday morning (seeing daddy much better). Saturday and Eid on Sunday were just REST days. I couldnt do much. But I am glad I could purchase the computer word game for you. If I could only tell you the truth Za; but I am so mixed up emotionally, psychologically and I just wanna pour my heart out to you but I know you cannot bear it now. And sometimes it just overflows and as it pours out it's as if a second invisible daddy is standing there shaking his head and saying "c'mon first daddy what are you doing...be quiet." Sighhh. Feel sorry for me baby. God knows the storms inside. And He is As-Salaam Za. It's all that I have right now to hold on to...and maybe, just maybe, if given the chance to look back...I might say He was all I need. But what tears me up is you Za...you need better than this situation...you need someone better than me. I feel such a failure to you...but baby God knows. One day listen to that song by Yusuf Islam, "Misunderstood." It's what I identify with at this point. Love you sugarplum. Make a prayer for Daddy. Love & Kisses.

The 24th Night

Well Sunday was certainly different. Quite a bit of refreshing rain. Spent the day indoors. As well as the night. Didnt venture to the mosque. Just wasnt in the mood. Lots of zikr, introspection, reflection. And reading. Also finished The Struggle brochure. Updated Business Ethics. The Quran...my goodness what awesome deep philosophies it contains. It challenges your thought processes...to check out what kind of person you are. Just check this out: "And there is a type of person who serves Allah standing on the borders of faith. If some good comes to them, they are satisfied. If they, however, encounter a trial, they turn away from faith. Thus they lose both this world and the Hereafter. This is manifest loss." That stopped me in my tracks as I wondered about me. Then I realized I wasnt breathing normally; took a deep inhalation. Stopped. Reading on wont help. Wont release any more developmental energy. This was enough food for thought.
Other happenings: Ch. 2 (a Christian station) asked for the Quran so that they could show it every morning (for free). 6:00-6:15. And GIT also got the same to show on Ch. 65. And lots of free tips on how to create good-looking stuff. Well it took them many years to see the light but All Praises are for Allah. If Muslims don't arise and warn NOW in the best way, with the world in such chaos...then when may I kindly ask?
Also: Za blew me away when he created in Coreldraw 14 a beautiful, yep really it was, Ramadan card for his teacher. He googled by himself and found excellent pics. and put it creatively together . And his teacher broke out in a spontaneous smile. I was there and it warmed my heart. Little things do mean so much.
Love you baby...do the best you can (I know its HARD...but lets put our trust in Allah). Daddy (a tearful heart weeps every night for you)

The 20th Day

So the moon in the morning sky, whose (obvious) colour was white (pretty but not magically so as the evening golden moon); and clouds some heavy, some like cotton wool were in the morning sky as I headed to the Park...hot it was. For two laps, running, jogging then walking (maybe a bit of crawling too). And during the fasting too...as the body obviously experiences a depletion of energy but I, always, since a teenager, have felt that fasting never meant a reduction of activities. Then it was all day cricket or school or darts and weight-training. And it continues to this day (no cricket or weight training but at least I can run/walk). Also lots of reading of books, the #1 priority is the Quran with lots of other books thrown in for good measure. And for me Ramadan means the 5 hours of sleep I get is, well SLEEP. Deep like in totally unconscious--something I dont seem to enjoy out of Ramadan. Back at the office one Christian client chatted with us about the Fast. And the normal shocked surprise at like "not even a sip of water." All day!!! Oh my. "If they only knew" a phrase related to fasting is all I can think about...if they only knew. For when we do take that sip of water at sunset it's the "greatest moment." Not just in quenching the thirst but in the deepest appreciation and gratefulness to God...to go out there and help the poor/needy. Never to be arrogant and belittle others because of their financial status or otherwise. For the person stands erect who bends over the afflicted/poor/fallen. We rise when we lift others. I weep (yeah literally) over my failings/my fallen status/my broken wings. Love you my baby...may you understand your daddy from these few thoughts.

The 18th Night

Well it had to end...good things cannot continue forever or they lose their sheen, their sparkle. Those lovely cloudless nights with the moon and star stunningly placed there by the Hands of God. Your eyes mesmerized by their beauty. And truly the street lights, the lights in the houses were as nothing in comparison. So tonight the clouds were back...the bright star dimly showing...and as I rode from the "mosque" my eyes scanned the eastern skies for the moon...and then I spotted it...low and covered with clouds...and one just have to glorify the artistry of God. "There are many Signs in the heavens and the earth; yet they pass them by and pay no heed to them." Wow! What an ayah!!! Then I settled in front of my monitor to digest a video of a doctor who converted to Islam. Lifted my deflated "religious spirits." Conversion stories are sometimes used as goody-feely kinda thing. But this story had some interesting parts and the fact that the doctor had written a few books meant he was "deep" and articulate enough to drive home points. Then I read one story of an ex-Muslim who reconverted back to Muslim. This was also powerful as the depth of his research in Christianity was sound. Two extremely heavy duty pieces for a "fragile" Muslim to rethink his position. Za, my baby, you do know what daddy means by "fragile." You to whom I have revealed so much at your tender age. I know there are questions, big questions, swirling in your mind...but as time permits I will set the answers down so that you can appreciate how life unfolded. Have no regrets my son...just place your full TRUST in God. It's all I ask. Love, kisses and the biggest hug for you.

The 12th Night

This has just got to be the most amazing sequence of nights. The skies are cloudless; stars are twinkling ever so brightly; and THAT moon sails across the black velvety sky so majestically. Yes, Za, we sure are having a great time out there. Beautiful breeze brings glad tidings of Allah's forgiveness. And the morning sky too was simply dazzling...lots of fluffy white clouds (like hundreds of thousands of sheep silently "grazing on the pastures of the sky.")...its so quiet on the streets of Georgetown that it makes for lovely moongazing...where are the people (gazing at their tv screens or their monitors or their cells)...well I guess I have it all for myself...wish I didnt have to go indoors and lose the magic of it all...but that's the nature of time...good things do come to a kind of "end"...but the memories do live on...and these few words are written for the "memory" to be in Kodak colour years from now...yes Za...I love you...be good. And as you grow, InshaAllah...and become a man know that Allah's forgiveness is not just for erasing "sins" accumulated (what a silly concept)...but it's to POLISH our souls to make it sparkle ever brighter. Astagfirullah...the soul brightens...and reaches deep into the heavens to caress the Throne of God. Then the Fingers of the Most Compassionate, the Fingers of the Most Merciful, softly, gently lifts the soul...then all the angels fall in prostration to this child of Adam....Love you baby, Daddy.