The Last Weekend

A mixture of emotions...the pendulum swinging from one extreme to another as if in a hurricane. BUT, Za, as both of us rode to the seawall on Saturday and Sunday and spent time on the beach Daddy felt (no fancy words)...just felt good. It was so beautiful. The beach looked so clean and the waves gently lapping a small distance away. So you could play with the sand and pick up shells for Daddy's birthday. Haha...it was simply beautiful to watch you and for me to store such memories. The wind was a joy...bringing the therapeutic sounds of the ocean to my ears and lovely to breathe into my lungs. And I felt at peace. God, nature is so kind to our minds. And the sunset on both evenings were spectacular painting the clouds in divine colours...it was as if two beautiful angels were getting married and the clouds draped in all their fineries were in attendance. Za, it sure was the most pleasant time we spent together. Thank you and may God guide your every step, for every step you took on the sand left footprints on my soul.

At the End

My dear son, what can daddy tell, reflect on, pass on...as my 48th year comes to a close. At least tonight with the earth pressing in...I can let my gaze, tired, broken...leap up to the darkened night...its star-filled and in that is great pleasure even to a saddened soul. And to the first-quarter moon beckoning to me...a sight that grant an immense degree of solace. I would love to tell you of the "terrible" events that unfolded today...but cannot leave you to read that years from now. On the contrary I would just pen some lines that show how my heart-strings are tuned to vibrate even as my soul stares at the grim realities of life. One of the vibrations was suicide...daddy didnt want to carry on. Didnt want to see out this year. Tonight is so dark Za baby. Not the outer world Za...that's beautiful. The inner world...dark and brooding. I'm struggling to let my heart be buoyed up by an inextinguishable faith in the ultimate triumph of sanity. Without such faith, all effort is like the fluttering of a caged bird who sees its doom and knows it cannot avoid it. Yes Za, I'm fighting against the "caged bird" feeling which is threatening to take me down. Pessimism implies lack of faith and consequently a loss of energy. Wherever pessimism creeps in insidiously there can be no steady and persistent effort on behalf of any causes worthy of our best aspirations. So Za, I'm passing this message on to you...be an optimist...not in a facile way...for genuine optimism does not shortsightedly ignore the hard and ugly facts of life. It does not seek consolation in any form of escape. It's wrong to walk away...to become a recluse...no matter what keep on doing "things"...for thru work God heals. I have continued to look after you Za...papa is proud of your achievements at school...the teacher is amazed that you are doing so well even with such a HUGE problem that have settled like a dark cloud over your lovely head. Grade 3...and you are getting hundred percent in several subjects. I cry so much for you (my god tears are falling now Za). You know, baby, I read a bit about Moses which I will convert to a brochure...gosh it's stunning the problems he had. haha quite a few brochures have just "happened" as circumstances occurred. Lordy, isn't that so weird? But societal changes take place first and foremost when new ideas are hurled against old standards, shattering them and then rebuilding pillars of divine justice. So tomorrow might dawn with me on 49...what lies in store must be met with a faith in the ultimate goodness of human nature and the consequent belief that life is worth living and striving for. My baby, you're my best inspiration...loving you Daddy.

Expect better

Perhaps I was being naïve, but then, honourable men have the right to expect better from the world. What a depressing year it has been...but the battle continues to be fought. There have been bright periods but overall I do feel as if I'm being squeezed. Make a prayer for daddy, my son.
Hold your head high, my son. To get a feel for the world read "Strive to be Happy." Read wide and then you will be able to put your own life in perspective. And then it will boil down to dependence (in a positive and strong way) on God. You will be bombarded with all kinds of fake ideologies...the only way to "beware" is to be wary with the shield of knowledge. For example try to understand this piece of "wisdom" from a so-called scientist: Conway Morris opens his book with a disclaimer: “If you happen to be a ‘creation scientist’ (or something of that kind)and have read this far, may I politely suggest that you put this book back on the shelf. It will do you no good. Evolution is true, it happens, it is the way the world is, and we too are one of its products..." He states in a definitive manner Evolution is "true" (and by force of his words we the people must accept it... However Evolution is FALSE...then note the derogatory phrase (or something of that kind)...so my son, you will have to use your mind/intellect/reasoning to overcome and do battle against such devious "logical" twists. Daddy is extremely pleased at your progress so far...you do amaze me...you do make me smile...and yes you're my only joy at this point of time. Thank you my "little man." My favourite call name for you. May God continue to grant you strength in all forms. I love you.

Another Financial Thriller

Once again tonight's program will focus on the gambling of banks. Yes, GAMBLING. That's all they do. We put our money there and believe that's its safe and they are such nice people, in their suits and their air-conditioned offices and yes, banks do outclass houses of worship as the financial angels (females) float around with their fake smiles. So Crash, How the Banks Went Bust will continue the series of programs exposing the evils of Wall Street and the London Financial system. Note how all these high-flyers keep saying "We didn't see it coming." Just like we are not seeing the impending Day of Judgement looming. So we blindly follow the blind.
Oh, it's 6:15 a.m. and a stunning rainbow arched across the western sky(ain't all rainbows stunning). Caught my eye as I went to the kitchen and I stood and gazed and lost myself counting the colours. ROYGBIV, haha (red and orange melts into one as the indigo and violet). So I counted five smile. I saw myself astride those gorgeous colours forgetting this world and wondering DEEPLY of the next. The early morning rain was the sweetest music to my ears.
Daddy loves you Za...missing you so much...like would have loved to show you the rainbow and to giggle with you as we make up stories of playing with it. But by God's grace we will play with "real rainbows" in Jannah giggling like little boys, haha.

Impact of Words (Written and Spoken)

As I was at my son's school distributing the brochure "Business Ethics" a guy came and sat next to me. "Hey you write this stuff?" It has become the familiar ice-breaker. "Well I just put it together." "Seriously, this is real good stuff. You don't get such material to peruse for free anywhere." I smiled...and we chatted for 3/4 hour. What knocked me out was one of his comments: "You know to write this intensely you must have been thru the school of hard knocks." I caught my breath...hopefully he didn't notice. But I shrugged and laughed (hope it didnt sound too hollow) and brushed it off with a funny comment. Our conversation was exciting as we covered several issues and its always invigorating to clash and test your mind against someone who is sharp.
It always feels like you have just received an intellectual glucose shot when someone pays a compliment to the work. It's being done to further the cause of God...as well as to leave my footprint for my son. Dont want him to be religiously deadened with trash & drivel that masquerades as "worship."
Tonight's program on Ch. 2 was "In Debt We Trust" as I continue to drive home the point of money (as in being greedy for it & willing to do anything for it) being the root of all evil.
So what did you "Say" today? Positive life-changing words I hope; don't chill the heart of anyone with icy statements...the world will be the poorer for it. Let's try to leave an impact that makes people sit up and yearn to be better. Like the fellow I met today.

Ghosts

Chinese saying: Human beings are much more fearsome than ghosts!

Now why would I want to believe that! haha...because it's so true. No matter how deeply you stare into someone's eyes there's no way you can know what lurks in their minds. What I have found out about LOTS of people is more fearsome than I wanted to believe.